collide.

that is what my life and anything to do with it did today. collide. all of my insecurities, fears, frustrations, thoughts, and questions converged into one sloppy mess of tears and angst, with perhaps a dash of bitterness, and it came crashing through the self-constructed walls of my heart, tumbling out of my mouth to my parents on the phone today. oh parents. i thank God for you and your timely beingthereforme in my hour of need.
"so, what does this collision look like?" you ask. well, this week (actually, the next 10 days) i will be taking on the role of hosting in the Mission Adventure program that YWAM runs in the summer. and this involves me facing many of the said issues straight on. and that scares me. alot. but i know that this is where i need to be in my relationship with God right now. trusting fully in Him because i can't in myself. it should be interesting.
so, pray for me. if you think of me during your day. right now, as you read this blog. please, pray for me. it means so much to me.
and i trust that i will be better for this. i anticipate discomfort and pain, but also newfound growth and strength as these weak, unused muscles are torn and healed, torn and healed, again and again. God will provide. and i'm excited to see Him do so in my empty self in this upcoming 10 days.

promised pictures...

i always find it difficult to pick the 5 magic pictures to post, that will accurately represent my life, or at least how i perceive it. i have so many that i wish to share with the world, and i guess that i could post more -all of them if i'd like- but i don't wish that upon anyone, unless they are my family, who i force at spoon point to view my cds upon cds of photographs. it's true. just ask them.

that said, i hope you enjoy the ones i have chosen to share. may they be a well-rounded representation of it all...

the legendary Shubenacadie Canada Day Parade with copius amount of rescue vehicles...where do they all come from?!?!

a much-needed break in the hotel pool from our long traveling day produced this fine photo op...

and then i had 4 beautiful sisters...

...but i have been aching especially for this one

yet, this is what i come back to. Vancouver. Commercial Drive. this picture is from the Commercial Drive Car Free festival that happened about a month ago. they blocked off a whole bunch of streets so that eating, dancing, and general laughter and community building events would ensue. and they are doing it again this weekend. days like these make it ok to be in Vancouver away from the safe comfort of friends and family. thank you, God for calling me here...

Nova Scotia, Ontario, and back...

wow...it's been awhile. well, i guess all of my posts could start with this familiar phrase, but still. i meant to do one of these this past weekend, but instead, i decided to have a rather social 2 days (consisting of an all afternoon BBQ at my friend Mark's and funtimes at the beach on Sunday w/Joel and Carla) thus it didn't get done. until now.
so, as many of you know and saw, from June 29-July 9, i was in the air/on the road, pretty much all across this fair country. i made a brief 2 day and 2 hour stop at my NS home and managed to have it pretty chock-full of crazy events, including seeing many friends and family from church.
then, we left at 4 AM on Tuesday with Listowel, Ontario, as our eventual goal. this was where my brand new sister-in-law, Sarah (ie. Sarah Dawn, Sezzy, crazyladywhowasonceinfatutatedwithmyworkuniform, etc. ...these nicknames come into existence when 3 Sara(h) Bokmas are had) is from. during the next 6 days, we, as a G&L Bokma family, were hugely blessed by the Slotegraaf family, who juggled hosting us, preparing for the wedding, and being super cool, all at the same time. and they did it quite well, i might add. indeed, it was fun.
yeah, basically it was an awesome vacation. too short, but so much fun. i was SO blessed by seeing many loved ones and spending quality time with them. God is good.
and now i'm back in Vancouver, no longer being able to look forward to such a time. yet, sometimes i find myself still anticipating a trip home to NS. until i realize that that time has already come and gone in a flash. but it was good. and totally worth it.
and that leaves me in Vancouver. once again facing the music. and what beautiful music it is. but there will be more on that later. for now, i will leave this reminiscent post with a promise of many pictures to come soon.
until then...

I HAVE A BIKE!!!

where do i even start? God has been so generous in His providence in my life. yes, i was thinking about how He has blessed me so much over the last few weeks, if not my whole life. He knows what i need and gives it to me when i need it. not before, not after. when i need it. and sometimes He just gives me little surprises, answers to prayers that i haven't even yet prayed.

i have a job at YWAM that i love and am passionate about (passion is something that i prayed for awhile back...notice the picture of my desk on a clean day!) and a bike (see the picture of it outside of our new YWAM base), among other things. i live in a house that i love, with people that i love (on most days) in a fantastic neighborhood, in a beautiful city. God has placed me in a group of people from church and YWAM that has allowed me to grow and learn. He blessed me with a camping trip the weekend after the May long one, that really rejuvenated me by just being in nature with God.

yes, GOD IS SO GOOD! i have nothing to complain about. life is good...i am SO blessed!

"bike for sale?"

this is not just the title of this post, but seems to be the heading of a good portion of the emails i have been sending out these days. to explain, let me tell you a story...
on Wednesday, i found the perfect bicycle: shiny new-ish, more than one speed for all of these hills in Vancouver, VINTAGE (i refer to this type -the U handle barred cruiser kind- as the "Dutch bike," seeing as this is the kind that i rode in Holland this past summer), and having other very likeable characteristics. i called the guy, he said that i was the first one to call, and we arranged a time and place when/where i could buy and pick it up. i thought i had it made in the shade. now, fast forward to Friday afternoon. just before i left the office to go pick up my new treasure, i called the gentleman to remind him of my coming, and he kindly told me that he had sold it. yes friends, HE had sold MY bike. "not fair," i told myself. "how dare he do this to me?"
now, i wish that i had some nice ending or lesson that i have learned from this, but i don't. yeah, i guess i realize that i don't "deserve" anything, and that any and every blessing is a gift from God. it's true. but, i still find myself bitter at this stranger for selling this bike. it just seems so unfair...and it is. but, who am i to argue for justice when limitless grace/mercy has been sent my way? yet, i still feel gutted when life doesn't go my way. kind of like how i wish people would extend all kinds of grace my way, but i can't find it inside myself to do likewise...
in other news, i feel like my life is kind of a gong show. weekends are meant for sleeping in. yet, here i sit at 2:18 AM, hoping to be awake at 8:45 AM, so that i can make my way to church. not on a bike. [get over it, Rebecca] and all i did today was eat and go to 2 parties. nothing too productive was done, except getting ready for these 2 parties. and tomorrow should be crazy too. eight people will be sleeping in our 3 bedroom house. a big "YAY!" for guests, and small *groan* for nothing getting done. oh well, i guess that's what Monday is for.
so, that's my life, right here, right now. i haven't even read my Bible lately, and i want to. maybe i should be doing that instead of writing blogs, complaining about the lack of two wheels in my life...
ok, well please still enjoy the picture of the girls (i live with all of them besides Krista and Laura) at our party tonight in celebration of the birth of Hillary.
(l to r: me, Hannah, Jacqui, Hillary, Krista, Laura, Jana)

more pictures...

so, these are some more somewhat random pictures of my life, etc.
i truly hope to blog about something that is actually current in my life someday soon...
1. luscious green grass in one of the many parks in Vancouver. this is one of the reasons why i can stay sane in a city. that, and it was like 20 degrees out today. in MAY!!!
2. crazy blue walls for Jessa and Jana's room. i have yellow along with my 2 roomies, and another girl has Pepto pink. you really have to see it to believe it.
3. crazy moving day
4. beautiful streets. i'll never get sick of those flowers. and i have pictures upon pictures to prove this.
5. my pastor Julia's 30th birthday

April/May in pictures...

i'm sorry it has taken me so long to get something new up on here. who knew that my life would be so busy? but when i really think of it, i was just on a fantastic promo tour, i did have a much-needed family visit, i did just make a hectic/emotional move into a new home, and all that goes into all of this during this time, so i do deserve a little grace. that and i have had limited internet access. i know, excuses, excuses. but, i hope you take my apology and these pictures as good enough for now...
(these are of the promotional trip to Oregon from April 12-26:
1. girl pic
2. close up at Multnomah Falls
3. Jessa's 21st birthday and the appropiate party hats to celebrate such a function
4. much-needed quiet time at YWAM Salem
5. downtown Portland)

back in "Raincouver..."

i arrived back from our promotional tour to Oregon on Thursday night, and this fair city of mine welcomed me with rain. a day and a half of it. thanks, Vancouver.
but, alas, there is sun on the horizon. yes, today was very nice, but also, yesterday was a delightful one, amidst the precipitation. i was very blessed to spend the afternoon/evening with some of my very lovely family members, Benjamin and Karmyn Bokma.

please enjoy the story of

"Ben and Karmyn's Day out (in Vancouver with Rebecca)"

with the following pictures:

First up was spicy Ethiopian food @ Adis Cafe for lunch.

Then, we headed to Contintental for a rousing game of Phase 10 (Karmyn won), as we enjoyed our caramel lattes and a mocha (made by friend Ryan) and let our copious amount of food digest.

After a little break at my house/the office, we headed out to the Skytrain station, but made a quick stop at Belgian Fries for a little snack. I'm pretty sure that this made brother Ben's night.

Brother Ben and Sister (in law) Karmyn were very excited about the Skytrain trip to the waterfront and surrounding areas.

After wandering around on and near Granville St. and spending ALOT of time at SportsCheck (they took advantage of the amazing BOGO sale on running shoes...), we headed to Trees cafe to enjoy some live music and another favorite card game, Euchre.

We soon headed home, Ben and i had a bit of a TimTam slam, i opened some very appreciated gifts from loved ones far away, and then we said our "good-byes" for the evening.

It was a very fun day. Thanks, Ben and Karmyn, for making it so special!

[keep in mind, that if any of you farawayfriends ever want to come for a visit, you too will probably receive a full-paged blog post such as this. yeah, pretty exciting, i know.]

ok, i'm off for now. PS: the tour was pretty amazing. i hope to post a bit about it and some pictures in the near future, but it just may not happen as soon as i'd like, what with the busyness of my life right now, as i just got back, i'm moving to my new home on Tuesday, etc...

but we'll see.

"love letter"

ok, i admit that i did not write this following piece, no matter how much i wish my words were this eloquent. however, i really wanted to post something concerning this glorious celebration of Easter. i found this "love letter" in Our Journey this AM, and it just struck me how beautiful God's sacrafice was for ME! we have so much to celebrate, today and forever. cheesy, i know, yet so true...

He told them again and again.
shouting it
...in the breathtaking splendor of creation.
whispering it
...on the pages of ancient parchments.
echoing it
...through the voices of His chosen prophets.
but few listened.
even fewer believed.
finally
with a heart weeping at the deafness of His people
He took His pen - Jesus Christ,
and dipping it in Calvary's scarlet ink,
He wrote His message on a rough wooden banner
and pinned it against an empty sky for all the world to read.
bold, crimson words:
I LOVE YOU

yeah, this Easter was an amazing one. i got to be a part of the service at my church this morning among other things, but it's more than that. this Easter has actually kind of meant something to me. more than it ever has before.
i guess that i have realized that in order to have life, there needs to be death, as blatantly obvious as that sounds. life in Jesus means an intentional death of my sinful self. even with something as simple as moving to a new house in a couple of weeks, there needs to be death and mourning of this place that i have grown to love, accept, and become comfortable in, in order to receive what's next, something that i have faith to be an even bigger blessing. but i need to let go of what i have right now in order to get what He has for me later...
hmm...interesting. and all apart of what seems to be one of the main themes running through my brain these days...

life.

wow. life. crazy. yet somewhat mellow. sometimes i'm not so sure which one i like better.
in the moment, "crazy" is so overwhelming. i can't breathe and don't know what to think or even feel. or maybe i'm just feeling it all at once. whereas, "mellow" can be so blaize, so "blah/meh." i SO want to feel something, and hate that i'm like a rock, unfeeling, uncaring, seemingly just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.
so, that's where i am right now, balancing between the two. still deciding which one i like better, yet still craving more, but not making the effort to change it. or allowing it to be changed. wow.

and i wasn't even going to post anything today. i was just putting it all down...

more pics...

there were obviously not enough pictures on the last post, so here are a few more randomly, yet carefully chosen snapshots...

finally...

it's me. i'm finally blogging again, and it feels really good.
as many of you know, this huge gap in my posting was mainly caused by a month long promo tour across western Canada. and what an amazing trip it was! i finally got to see the other side of this fair nation i call home, including those spectacular mountains known as the Rockies. amazing people were met (nope, i didn't meet good ol' Wayne Rostad...he must've been "On the Road Again"...lol) and some discovered through hours together in a cramped van for copious hours at a time. good and hard times were experienced. growth took place as a result. three words: GOD IS GOOD. can i get an "amen?"
i'm not going to get into a huge update, talking about the past and all. i'll save that for the update email letter i will be sending out soon. i will, however, take this opportunity to share some photos. they say that a picture says a thousand words...and wouldn't you rather see colorful pictures in lieu of boring black and white words? i know that i would. so, view on. and keep posted for new blogs that will keep you up on how i'm doing now, not just then...

on the road again...

i'm going on the road again, but not with Wayne Rostad (does anyone remember him? i could've sworn that i saw him when i was working at the airport once, but no one agreed with me that it was him in the store...anywho...). yes, starting tomorrow, i will be gone for almost a month, touring western Canada (SO excited to drive through the Rockies and the prairies...) on a YWAM promo tour. we're going to be hitting up different Mission Fests and speaking at churches and all that fun stuff. so, i'm not sure how much opportunity i'll have to update this. but i'll do my best. anyways, i'm sure it will be more exciting and super cool to meet some new people that i can add to the growing list of friends around the globe. and who knows, maybe Wayne Rostad will be one of them...

i'm back...and moving west

to all of my faithful readers (yes, all 3 of you...), my apologies for how late this post is in coming. please forgive me.
so, what's new with me? um...nothing much except that I'M MOVING TO VANCOUVER NEXT WEEK!!! yeah, crazy, eh? Vancouver (also affectionately called "Hongkouver," because of the approximately 52% -well, at least more than half- of Asian people that populate the city), British Columbia will be my new place of residence for the next two years. as of Tuesday, January 23, 2007, i will be working with the Youth With a Mission Vancouver base as a member of their Discipleship Training School staff!
i am pretty excited to be moving back to the west coast at this point in my life. i truly enjoy the people at the YWAM base and am really looking forward to serving them and with them in the Commercial Drive community. (however, i will REALLY miss the girls who were with me in this fine city last year, as you can see in the picture at the bottom)
my first week will involve some moving in and getting settled and training and hanging out with a good friend before she leaves for home in AB, where she is getting married soon. then i'll be heading off to the Vancouver Missions Fest where we will be spreading the news about the greatness of our God and subsequently, YWAM.
after the weekend, a bunch of us are heading out for a YWAM promo road tour. i know that we are hitting up the Winnipeg Missions Fest, and i'm sure some other fests and maybe churches along the way in Alberta and Saskatchewan.
but that's about all i know for now, amongst some possibilities for the summer and fall. please continue to pray with and for me as i head westward. as there is some uncertainty pertaining to tasks and living situations, pray that i will find peace in God and trust in Him and His direction.
well, readers, please stay tuned here for updates and pictures. i know that this will be an intersting time in my life, to say the least, and it is comforting to know that there are people who care about what this all entails. even if there are only 3 of you...
love you and thanks for reading...

random Christmastime pictures

AMAZING.

yes. yes, He is. this past week was an interesting one. challenging, to put it into one word. but Friday night was so amazing. God really showed up and showed me His raw and awesome power. i don't really want to go into it all, but i was really struggling with some issues and was basically having a pity party for myself all week, and then God broke me, just a crack, and so much healing took place in just one night. i know this is quite bare in details, so if you have a burning desire to know more, please ask. but that's all i'll go into about that for now.
and then Saturday. what a day! what a blessing. let me lay it out for you. so, T. Connie, Laura, and i headed up to Moncton in the AM to check out ABU, a really neat Christian university that Laura may attend next fall. and the guy who gave us the tour went to Providence College in Otterburne (the smallest village in Canada, i'm sure) a couple of years back. so, that was an unexpected surprise. we then headed to drop T. Connie off at the warehouse where the kids were doing up the Operation Christmas Child boxes, and then shopping. at this point in the story, i just want to reflect on how blessed i have been to hang out with Laura so much this past fall. she is the youngest member of "the 4 Bokma girls" (the twins and two cousins that were born within 6 months of each other. Melissa, mentioned in the previous blog, is the oldest.). when we were younger, Rachel and Laura favored each other, whereas Melissa and i were a bit closer. but it has been so good to be more of an intentional part of each other's lives these past few months. and she has assured me that Rachel and i are about equal in her books now. :D. moving right along, we headed on our little adventure, taking time to truly discover the booming metropolis of Moncton, NB. but i'm being a bit sarcastic there. it's not so big. we hit up the mall, did some shopping and got a bite to eat. and we couldn't pass up a stop at the local Timmy Ho's for an icecap. after that, we headed to the huge Moncton Weslyan church for 6 PM, because that was when we were supposed to meet up with our intervarsity group for the Living Christmas Tree production that night, even though it didn't really start until 7:30. of course, they didn't get there until a bit after 7, but that's ok, because the story gets a bit more interesting here. while waiting for the group, we had this random conversation with this woman named Joanne, a member of the afore mentioned church, about things such as epilepsy, and consequently not being able to have kids, the transit system of Moncton, basketball and Oxford, knitting, and the like. really, the list goes on. but the best part of the night was when this one girl walked into the church, and i thought to myself, "i know her!" she was a girl that i went to Providence with last year. Providence is in Manitoba. i live in Nova Scotia, but was in Moncton for less than a day. and here Julie was. so, i ran up to her and we reunited and it was beautiful. she had actually only gone to Prov for less than a week, but then her and her friend had gone back home, so i was curious about her friend Lindsay too. she told me that Lindsay was in the production that night. so, we went down and saw her again. and another lovely reunion was had. it was so cool to see them again! man, i love "coincidences" like that...and the Living Christmas Tree was beautiful too.
and that is my little big story about my blessed weekend.

so...

it's almost December. crazy, eh? i can remember when it was only nearing the end of September, and i was moaning and groaning, "is it Christmas yet?" in lieu of my melancholy of not being away from home and missing my far away friends. and now, months have passed, and that "most wonderful time of the year" is right around the corner. where did October and November go? hmm.... but it's good. it's been a solid fall, now approaching winter. i think it's so cool (and really SO necessary) to look back and just realize how God has provided over the last while. and i don't even realize or look for it 99% of the time. [but why should i have to make the effort to look for it, when it is right in front of me? i am just so blind sometimes...] sad, but so true. i focus on ME all of the time, and it's not about me. at all. a wise man (Rob Bell of the Nooma video series...SO good. check them out sometime!) once said, "MY world is not THE world." just think about that. and apply it. often. but alot of the time, it is just a whole lot easier and more comfortable not to... ok. so Melissa just requested that i be a bit more lighthearted. i guess i do go deep more often than not. but, i guess that is just a reflection of my need to go below the surface, to go beyond the shallowness of this world. whatever. here i go at not being so introspective.
i am SO excited for Christmas! a resounding "yay" for family coming home, quitting work on December 20 [wow, that sounds so negative. i don't really like to see it as "quitting" persay, but just leaving and not coming back. yeah, that's a nicer phrase, a great euphemism, if you will. yay for that Critical Thinking course in college last year! i DID learn something...ok, so maybe just that word. but still.], hoping to move on to Vancouver soon. i need to get going on that. someone just kick me every so often to make sure that i am. but, oh the joys of the season! spending time, not spending money. or making it. just being. not only doing. enjoying life. loving it. and people. going skating, sledding, getting cold and then drinking a cup of hot chocolate. staying up late at night, when all of the unexpected/great conversations happen. getting dressed up and going out for dinner. catching up. yeah, i'm uber stoked. oh yeah, and remembering the true reason of the season...and why was that the last "joy of the season" on my list? ok, i'm not going to go into how horrible of a person i am for doing that. but it IS good to look at my priorities...
ok, so maybe that wasn't my strongest attempt at being cheerful and not so melancholy. sorry guys. sorry Melissa for this disappointment. meh. why does everything i say turn into a lesson? it's slightly humorous, i guess. maybe i shouldn't be so hard on myself [?]. i don't know. but i guess it is good to be aware...
and i thought i had nothing to write about...
yeah. so i guess i've come to the conclusion that life is good. not easy. but good. not all rainbows and butterflies and lollipops and smiley faces. but good. and that's a good conclusion to come to. i'm at a certain place in my life, and i think that's where God has me. actually, i'm pretty sure that He wanted me to learn some crazy hard/awesome stuff this fall. and that's a good feeling to have. to be content in Him. to know that He, the CREATOR of the world, is working in me, no matter how subtle this transformation is. and gross. did i mention how gross it is to feel so broken? yeah, it is. but there is beauty in the broken. yeah, there is. somewhere there is. at least He thinks so. and that's pretty much all that matters. yay God! did i mention that i love You? (insert huge smiley face)...
ok. so perhaps i should be done stealing Mel's computer. a big shoutout to her for being so generous in letting my take it over. and i WILL attach a pic of you, girl, for the viewing pleasure of all those people that look at this. but first, let me tell you about Melissa. she is pretty awesome. yep, i love her. she was one of my best friends growing up, and we're still pretty tight. we may be cousins, but i always considered us friends first. she is a solid girl, with great morals and a delightful sense of humor. basically, i really appreciate her always laughing at my not-so-funny jokes. thanks, Melissa for being a great friend throughout the years...
ok, so this is me signing off, for yet another week (or maybe two...). have a good one...
did i mention i love Sundays?

life in the times of me

wow. it's been a solid two weeks since i've last posted. and i feel as if i should apologize for this misdeed. but i'm not going to. so, sorry for not apologizing for not writing.
so, life has been pretty routine lately. not too much is going on. working alot. which is good. and i'm not sure if you all know, but i have been attending the Christian intervarsity group at the AC, where my cousin Laura goes to school. that has been really cool. something to look forward to every week. something that i can get dressed up to go to, not donning my usual uniform. yeah, it's a good feeling. and the first pic is of us bowling in Bible Hill a couple of weeks ago.
however, last week i missed our meeting, as i was too caught up surprising my sister in Hamilton, ON with a visit for the weekend. yeah, it was a blast! [i thought you might be wondering why we are in some pictures together...] in the first picture, we are drinking Starbucks Christmas drinks, a real treat for the both of us. yeah, that was a great bonding experience, also involving random trips to Danier, breaking out into our randomly awesome dance moves in Jack Aster's parking lot, and just catching up. and the next snapshot involves a third party, Jessie, a friend of Rachel's rad doormate, Em J, as we are trying on some crazy cool accessories at Winners [sorry for totally blocking you out there, Rach!]. yeah, it was a great weekend. i really enjoyed getting to know her friends/people in her life. as well, i really treasured the stolen moments that i spent with siblings while there. it was so neat to reflect on the past and to be excited about the future, as we fellowshipped over dinner at Ben and Karmyn's on Sunday night. we are all so grown up! good times, indeed. a nice vaca from work and consistent "normalcy"...
but, now i'm back. back into the everyday grind of life. back to being a daughter and worker and not just a sister and friend. back to that all. and it's a good thing. there is a time for everything, and now is the time for this.
and that's where i end for today.