this one has been percolating (like good coffee, i hope!) inside of me for awhile, but i guess i felt that i didn't have the time or words to put these thoughts of mine down. until now, when i should be doing some work, but just can't think past these thoughts that are ready to emerge. i'm due for a break anyway. here we go...
sigh. life is...so many things! i feel like i'm beginning to discover so many new things about myself in this time. and it's not all fun. discovering that i hate not feeling in control of things and beginning to shut down when i find myself in this position. realizing that in an effort to anticipate (and often stress about!) future plans, i'm missing out on relationships and experiences right in front of me. i regret this. wondering if, with the new changes that are coming my way, i'll find myself to be flexible in adapting to or rebellious in accepting what i have signed up for. i pray for God's grace and hope in this time, and the one to come. oh, and i'm uber emotional all the time. yay. [well, i guess i'd rather be in touch with my emotions right now, than have a cold heart of stone. but, my crying outbursts are beginning to tire me out...literally. like, right now.]
yeah, i just don't know. i'm at that point again, seeking direction and hoping that i'm going in the right one. needing to hear from God and to trust Him, really trust that He has gone before me and is leading me well. but sometimes, it's so hard to take that first and second step of obedience. i want to walk on that water, but i have to step out of the boat, as someone once wisely wrote.
sigh. but why does it have to be so difficult? why can't i just see a glimpse of how it will turn out? oh, i need to learn trust.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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