[some lame title...]

ok, so where do i start? so much has happened since i last posted, and it's going to be impossible for me to write and for you to read it all, yet here i go...(in no apparent order)
i would first and foremost like to send a big thanks to my pal, Sir Sanford Fleming. forgive me if i'm wrong, but i'm pretty sure that this beautiful Canadian man created a little thing i like to call timezones. and along with this lovely invention, a little phrase known as "spring forward, fall back." yes, my friends, i'm talking about setting back clocks, watches, and all other time keeping machines. thank you, Sir Fleming, for that much-needed extra hour of sleep last night.
ok, but enough with all this tomfoolery.
it has been a good week. it was fun, once again, to spend time with Morgan, the little girl my mom babysits. at this point in time, i would like to share a story about her with some pictures i have of our day together (please see the above pics starting from top to bottom): 1) we get Morgan excited by asking her where the kittens are, and her face is pulled into this adorable little expression 2) we go visit the kittens, and she is in her glory 3) the girls are "in da hood" (i seem to like to pull that face alot, hey?) 4) Morgan is so tired, she falls asleep in my arms, in a somewhat awkward position.
yeah, that day was a blast.
on Sunday night, my friend Drew surprised us all and came home from AB, the land that steals all of our bright, young people (i say that jokingly, yet with a sad air of truth). it was good to see him again and to catch up a bit.
i finally finished my support raising letter. and i sent some out. yes friends, i am soon heading west for the fair land of British Columbia to be a part of the staff with YWAM Vancouver. it's exciting/scary/"what the heck am i doing?"/all of the emotions i never knew i had. yeah. if you want to know answers, ask questions. i really don't know what more to say unless i am asked...plus, i want people to be curious about it all...yeah.
and i am once again discovering some ugly, messy truths about myself. it aint pretty, but it's good. i mean, it's good to learn these things, so that i can change them (or be changed by them or through them by Someone else...) or attempt to or whatever. yeah. but i hate all that crap that is me. all the messy stuff that makes me who am, all that sinfulness. and the funny thing is that what i am talking about is how i hate how perfect i portray myself to be lately. i make it look like i have it all together, all the right answers to all the questions one could ever have. all those goody Christian one liners. argh. all this pride. i hate it. i hate how i feel so pushed to be perfect, when all i want is to be. to be who i am, not what i want others to see me as. to be who God has created me to be, and who He is working on. argh. frustration. and this is turning into my journal. i need to stop here. but once again, if you want answers, ask questions.
well, i'm off to starting another exciting week. who knows what this one will hold? and i guess that's the thrill of it. the surprise. yeah...

week cap...

yay... i have two days off. and one is a Sunday! score.
well, life has been...well, it's life. and i don't say that in a bad way, with any negative connotations whatsoever. it's good. i've been realizing alot. and that's always a good thing.
like, "hey! why do i get so miserable when i miss my far away friends (aka my faf)? i should be so happy that i have been so blessed to know all of these wonderful people. they have all played a hugely positive part in my life, so why should that make me sad?" yeah, simple/silly revelations, yet so important and true. and how i need to grasp such gems of truth with both hands. (by the way, the first picture is of my closest friends at Providence, and the second, my other sistersandbrother/YWAM team, pre-China trip (minus Norwalkvirusstricken Hannah)...man, i love these people!)
moving on, i was reading My Utmost For His Highest (a daily devo) today, and it really spoke to me. please indulge me as i share a bit by my friend Ozzy (aka Oswald Chambers):
discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different...we do not need the grace of God to withstand crises -- human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. it is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God -- but we do not. we have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people...
yeah, that was huge for me today. sometimes i find it so easy to forget that God made me human. yeah, i'm allowed to screw up. and make mistakes. i'm not perfect. i'm normal(ish). and God is God, and we should leave our roles that way. sometimes i (mentally) beat myself up about "not doing the right thing," but God's grace never ends. His mercies are new every morning. great is Thy faithfulness! wow...and it is always good to get a nice swift kick in the pants/reminder such as this. and i hope it was encouraging to someone else too. man, this Oswald is one intellectual/spiritually adept fellow...
ok, last thought. i'm reading Captivating again. yeah, and i'm super excited about it. random info: i just finished I Kissed Dating Goodbye (no, i'm not dating anyone right now. but it was interesting to read, and it was surprisingly applicable to many relationships in life...). yeah, so i was planning on quoting a piece or two from Captivating to give you a few for it, but 1) it's hard to pick just one quote 2) i want to encourage everyone to read it, especially women, since that is who it was written for. it really is an amazing book that has helped me to realize who i am created to be/become. yeah, that and alot more. basically, it's amazing. and if i had a book club like Oprah, this would be the first one on the list. heck, i'm sure O would love this one too! yeah, it's great. (hmm...i wonder if they'll give me any money for publicly endorsing it...) but really, go out and buy it, it's worth your money. (except if it's your birthday soon...) ok, done with that. well for now. i'm sure you'll hear me ranting/raving about it again in the very near future. ok, done.
but, i should go to bed now. it technically is already Sunday, and i want to have some sleep, as i have done morning shifts four days in a row...bed time. when i was little, i never would've guessed that someday i'd be so excited about this time of the day...

good. hard. but GOOD.

that seems to be the motto for my life lately. yeah, i know that i am so blessed, and that i am not persecuted for my beliefs or starving or dying or anything like that, but just let me have my pity party. actually, i've talked myself out of it. nevermind. lol.
nevetherless, i have been struggling with some issues lately, but God is SO faithful, and it's good. it really is. and i'll leave it at that.
so, i came home from work the other night, and was just amazed at how big that dark/clear sky really is. it's out there. i wanted to take a picture, but would that really capture how magnificent it is? um, no. i felt like i could see forever, if i just stared long enough. and sometimes that would be a welcome escape from this crazy busy world we dwell in. (well, at least we don't live on "The Truman Show"...does anyone remember that movie? i really liked it...) oh, how i long for the nights when i get the chance to just lay on that grass, looking at that sky, marveling at how AWESOME our Creator is. why don't i do that more often? i need to just do it one night, no matter how cold it is. and i will. soon. make me.
speaking about stars and constellations. there seems to be one appearing on my face. oh, how i deeply dislike skin issues. and i thought i was over that. maybe this is revenge for all of those years of clear skin, when i made fun of Rachel and her issues. and now it's your turn to laugh at me...
and i feel fat. there, i said it. i know i'm not, but i feel it. maybe, because i just had supper. and i feel lazy as i'm holed up in the house. and i need to exercise. and to drink water.
wow, this is one major pep talk for me tonight. i have so much to do, and so little time. why do i rush myself to do everything in such an impossible amount of time? i only get disappointed with myself! oh, and i feel stuck in a rut. SOMEONE PULL ME OUT!!!
ok, so this isn't getting any happier. and it started off so upbeat. oh well. back to work tomorrow. i don't know how to end this... ok, so this pity party is officially over.

why can't we have Thanksgiving every day?

wow. it's been a while. LOTS has happened over the last week and a bit. life has been busy, friends. it's so strange how time just seems to slip through one's hands, but i guess you all know that.
yet, today being a day of thanks (heck, a weekend of thanks!), i think it important to really reflect on what i am truly grateful for. and i've realized there is alot.
LIFE. my huge family to have Thanksgiving dinner with (and being at home for it!). God's unconditional love. uninhibited worship. close friends who come home for the weekend. having Saturday though Monday off this weekend. the b-e-a-utiful colors of fall. forgiveness, no matter how often i manage to screw it all up. health. the spiritual lows so that i can appreciate the highs. being so close to family that i can walk to and visit them whenever i want. a job. my parents' house and vehicle which they so graciously allow me to call home and to use to transport myself to various places. freedom. unreasonably warm weather at this time of the year. relationships. how God reveals Himself to me in so many different ways. travelling. how unique each person is. emotions. words. that time of the day when the sun is setting and casting shadows of everything. Chinese food. amazing/challenging conversations that make you think. flowers. hope. memories. Sundays when i get to go to church. sleep. music that portrays how you feel in that exact moment. eating ridiculous amounts of food, and then having dessert.
and the best thing is that it is so hard to stop once you get started...but then again, why should i/we?