wow...

this is pretty amazing. read and watch on...
http://cjcphoto.com/can/
and then i cried.

the promised pictures...

yeah, so i miss her/us alot. ["is it Christmas yet?!?"] there we are, shucking corn (remember our quote that summer night Rachie?...lol.). oh, and them too, my girls (Rachael, Rosie, and Rachel) representing their beloved schools. yes, schools that have yet to own me. but they have them and for that, we do not get along, me and those schools...


my lunch at Hong's Kitchen yesterday. two words: mmm Chinese. do you see my tea? yes, that my friends is fresh off the boat (FOB) tea. jasmine, in fact. it smelled like China. heck, yesterday it was China for me. good times...

one week later...

wow. i can't believe it's been over a week since i've last posted. lots has happened, and today, i hope to share a glimpse of it with you all. and yes, there will be pictures. (er...i guess just one, since this computer is acting stupid. again. oh well...i'll get more pics later...)
so, where do i even start? well, work has been a major part of my life over the last while and will continue to be for the next few months (note me looking exceptionally fine in my work threads. sexy, eh? please note the tie. enough said.), so let's begin there. after coming home from my job many a day wondering how that time flew by and what i actually did to fill it and why i felt so meaningless after a good 9 hours of labor, i decided that something needed to change. i needed to make work work for me and not just me for it. ok, so let me explain. i don't want to just work and be ruled by it. i want to add my own flair. figure out how i can bless others while i'm working hard to do a quality job. i want to take time to serve others and not just run around like Mike the headless chicken trying to get everything done at the same time. i can't. i'm only human. i want it to be a ministry to others, as i serve with my time and extra effort. yeah, so maybe it sounded better in my head. basically, i want to enjoy work and not just put in my time. i want to use it to stretch myself and yeah. it makes sense to me. i can try to explain it not on paper if you're really curious. moving right along, though...
on Monday night, i made my debut as a GEMS (Girls Everywhere Meeting the Savior) counselor for the girls in grade 5 & 6, put on by my home church. i have to admit that i was a little scared after making this committment, because this is alot of responsibility, promising to help moldable little people to have to a relationship with God. yes, not a vow to take lightly, indeed. however, thanks to the prayer and encouragement of friends and my trusty sidekick/helper Melissa, the first meeting went famously. the girls are great. quiet but fun. i actually feel kind of guilty that they are so managable, as this is not the case with all classes. anyway, i'm super excited about what we will be learning this year, and i'm sure that i will be challenged right along with them.
i also have come to discover something new about myself. yes, 19 years later. i AM artsy. ok, so maybe not in the way a painter uses his brush to paint what he thinks fruit look like or a musician plays his violin to add another dimension to life or an author writes a book that inspires someone to change their way of life, but i am. artsy-ish, i mean. who would've thunk? i have found that i enjoy putting time into working with my hands to make cards for others. i find it fulfilling to intentially make something for someone, putting time and thought into it, and to give it to them to bless them. i just love the feeling of accomplishment of seeing something start to finish, it not looking half bad, and thinking about what it may potentially mean to them. yeah, i think gifts and words or affirmation are my gifts. at least that's what my mom says...
nevertheless, this was a shocking realization, yet one i am happy about. yay. and all this time i thought there was nothing artsy to me...
ok, so today was my day off, and guess what my mother and i did for our weekly rendevous (ok, so every time i have some days off, my mother and i always end up heading out somewhere -usually shopping, once to Truro to pick up the kids, and once even to a birthday party. i know. pretty dang exciting.)? WE WENT OUT FOR CHINESE FOOD!!! yep, the real stuff. and i even had real Chinese tea. yep, jasmine. i was so excited. and there are pictures to prove it. it was fun. and tonight, i went with my cousin Laura to her school, and i crashed their intervarsity group. yep, pretty sure i'm the only one not in school, let alone theirs. but i really enjoyed my time there. we chatted, sang some songs, and watched a really awesome/inspiring/challenging video by Rob Bell. the nooma series. this one was on riches. i like them thus far, and i'm excited about going back...
ok, well i need to end this one here, because 1) it's getting long and 2) i have to work in the morning. but, thankfully not at 5AM...
well, thanks for reading this. i know it's long. maybe i should consider posting more frequently and smaller updates on my life...

"this little light of mine..."

"do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world..." philippians 2:14-15 (nasb)
wow. i really needed to hear that today. lately, i've been beginning to see myself fit right in with this world. i have found it quite easy to act and actually be like those around me. and while it's not bad to fit in, it is definitely not good to compromise who you are to do so. at work in the last few days, i have found myself to be snappy, impatient, quick to judge and to act on my judgments, among countless other things. and i don't like this person i'm becoming. i'm supposed to be a light in this world, not one of those onetime use flashlights, but a 100,000 watt maglight! ok, so maybe that's going a little far, but you get my drift. didn't Jesus call us to be strangers in this world? we are supposed to be different! it's a good thing! i want people to be able to see Him working in me and hopefully through me. i want to be integrous, compassionate, and patient, because this is what He has called me to and because i want to please Him. i want to show people that being a Christian, a Christ follower, can be fun and not legalistic. it's fulfilling. it's where it's at. i want to minister to these people. i know i dream of one day going to Vancouver and maybe someday back to China to minister to the people there, but i need to recognize that this is my mission field RIGHT NOW. this is where i'm at. i guess a part of me wants to be "ready" before i venture out to fulfill this calling, but i know that i will never be "there." i guess right now i'm being called to be true to myself and to my God, to my weaknesses but to my strength in Him...yeah.
as a child, when we used to sing "this little light of mine" after bedtime devotions, we would add another verse. at the very end, we would always sing, "let it shine over Shubenacadie, i'm going to let it shine..." isn't God amazing to plant that desire then and to make it grow now? i do want to share this light and this love from Him, so i guess i know what i've got to do...

ummm...

yeah, so this should be an interesting blog, since i'm not even sure what i'm going to exactly say yet...
so, let's start off with, 'yay, i really am not "addicted" to blogging, since i haven't written in a couple of days!' but then again, maybe i am, because i'm always thinking of what i'm going to write next. and how it's going to sound when i write it humorously/profoundly/and other -lys. but not today. nope, this is going to be as random as somethingthatiscompletelyrandom...yep, there should be a little bit of something for everyone in today's trail mix of a blog. (hopefully it's one of those delicious mixes with m&m's and peanuts and cashews, and not one of those less-favored ones with raisins and other dried up shriveled things...)
so, i love being independent. this is one thing i miss while living at home. don't get me wrong, i love eating mom's delectable meals and not having to worry about little things, such as i don't really even remember. but she's gone this weekend, and there's just something about domestically putting a load of laundry in and doing the dishes. it's fulfilling. i like seeing disorder and then fixing it and seeing the finished, ordered product. yeah...
but i hate when i don't know how to make a disordered something orderly. for instance, my life. i don't know 100% what i'm doing/should be doing in January. and maybe that's not such a bad thing? i don't want to get into a lot of detail right now (please feel free to ask me about it all sometime if you're curious, though...), but i would just like to extend an invitation to all of you who read this to pray for me over the next while. i just really need/want direction. and i need your help. thanks, guys.
ps: God is SO amazing! i can't even begin to describe how awesome He is. for instance, i have been feeling really down on myself lately for just being so sinful. i had this idea in my head that since i have been a Christian for so long, that i shouldn't be struggling so much (as you can probably tell, pride is one of these sins...), but i am now more than ever. i just can't seem to get out of the rut i'm in. i know that i am wrong in a lot of my actions and thoughts, but the desire to change doesn't make its way from my head to my heart, as cliche as that sounds. but He reminded me just this morning that His grace is sufficient for me, and it covers me always, not just in the first 5 years of being His child or whatever. i am His and He is mine! and He is continually working in me...how encouraging. He is SO faithful.
and i'll leave it at that for now...

a crazy little thing called "life"

a friend just asked me how my life is. i replied, "Good. I'm enjoying it."
and i meant it.
i enjoy seeing new people at work. especially Asian ones (warm smile on my face as i remember way back, when i was in China...), a rare commodity in NS. work is fulfilling, and the time passes quickly. it is good to be home, too. it is relaxing, and i enjoy spending time with my family, time that i value now and i may not get to appreciate later. it is also so great to be a serving member in the church that has nurtered, encouraged, and supported me since the day i was born. i feel so content.
ok, so about a month ago, i didn't think that i'd be truthfully saying this at this point in my life. August 7 was the sad day that i decided not to go back to Vancouver right away to staff YWAM as was previously planned, the day that i admitted to myself that i knew that i needed to be home for a period of time, a place that i so desperately wanted to get away from for no other reason than i wanted to be adventurous and daring and didn't want my "wings to be clipped" by staying home. i had just gotten back from Winnipeg, Vancouver, and China, and i wanted to continue going wherever the wind would take me! literally. and, for some strange reason, i have always had this perception that certain young people who stick around Shubie and who don't go to school but decide to just "settle" for a seemingly boring job are going "nowhere" in life. oh how my perspective changed when i became one of these people! but, i also realized how judgmental and close-minded this view is. just because i didn't feel it to be right for my life at most points, it doesn't mean that it's not more than a great idea for others! how humbling...
yeah, and it's funny/ironic that i am feeling so content thus far in a place that i never dreamed i would be. i guess this goes to show that God really does know what He's talking about. like i had any doubts...but i did.
and now, trying to look forward to the future, what's next? i know i need to be here right now, not living in the future. a close friend once told me of her wise father's motto:"wherever you are, there you'll be." so deeply true. but i also don't want to put off thinking about what's next. where is God leading me? is it back to Vancouver? why do i want to go back? is it because of a genuine feeling of being called to the people and ministry there? is it just because i love Vancouver and the people at the base? is this enough? so many questions and too few answers...all that i know is that if i go back, it's going to be because i know that's where God wants me. and i won't go if it's not in His plan. no matter how much i may think i want to.
so, where does this leave me? i need to be faithful in prayer and seeking God out. i need to be listening to His leading, no matter how much my sinful nature denies it's presence. i need help. i can't do it alone...thankfully, my God is so faithful! more faithful than i will or ever can dream to be. i wrote once that i couldn't lose Him even if i wanted to. so true...

milk and two sugars

i heart tea. it is just so useful. it makes you feel better when you have a cold AND when you feel cold (a state which i am too often found to be in). good ol' red rose does the trick. however, i might add that i am quite fond of the China tea, i will call it. there are just so many kinds of delicious flower teas, green teas, black teas, yellow teas, etc., and the way they prepare it is so neat (as we winter 2006 DTSers found out in our tea art class). and it's so healthy for you. yep, i could drink it all day. and i actually have. oh how i enjoy the little leaves that get stuck in your teeth...good times. anyways, that's what i have to say about tea. the end.

first post...

wow. i've been hoping/planning to do this for a while now, and in the midst of my boredom/for something to do and to have a place to express what is going on in this mind of mine, this blog site has finally come to fruition tonight. yay. plus, it was on my list of things to do.
so, you may be wondering why the title, "my engedi." well, if you will turn with me to 1 Samuel 23:29, you will discover how God provided David with this "engedi," a place of safety while he hid from a murderous Saul. (ps: no one that i know of is attempting to murder me at this point in time.) my hope and prayer for this blog is that it will be a safe place for me to express my thoughts/ideas/dreams/hopes/comments. basically, i want to be able to get it all out and try to make sense of my often jumbled reasoning. and you get to see it all! and you can comment too. yay for you.
ok, thus ends this somewhat formal introduction to this blog thingy...