"and yet" + life

it's time to write again, to empty my head of some stuff.

first off, "and yet."
what a special combination of 2 three letter words!
in my scholarly readings of late, i have come across "and yet" a few times -once in a reading for intro to music, another in the memoir i was reading for English. and i love them. let me tell you why.
these two words symbolize a turning away from previous thought, a submitting to new possibilities. and there is hope in them. i love this, especially from where i sit right now.

wow. i feel so much. so many "emotions." torn between investing into new things elsewhere. a country away, actually. struggling through it and loving it, all at once. and yet, i want and know i need to invest into the right here, where i am physically, not only where alot of my heart resides. and so, the dilemma of the balance -and is it supposed to be an equal one?- ensues.
i guess i should feel so blessed to love and be loved, all over this deep and wide continent. and i do. and yet, sometimes my heart hurts from being so stretched. it's almost unbearable sometimes.
this is me right now, my reality. figuring out how to be, who to be, who i am becoming in the chaos of it all. it's so rich and good, even if it hurts.
and i keep on coming back to the truth of all things: God is so good. it is His kindness that leads us to repentance and relationship with Him. when i am weak, He is strong. isn't He great?

(this is Henry -i think-, a little something i made for a little someone special.)

settling in...

wow. i can't believe that it's already been only 3+ weeks since i packed up my earthly belongings and headed east to Grand Rapids. in some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. and yet, i know the adventure has just begun. in so many ways.

these days, life consists mostly of school and the work that goes along with all that jazz. and it's good and meaningful. oh, i love learning and the classes i'm in this semester! the discussions and the opening of my eyes to so much truth is refreshing. however, i'm trying to make intentional decisions and realizations that life should also contain the balance of meaningful relationships and other life giving things. like sending mail. keeping in touch across the many miles. doing my devotions. knitting. biking, just for the sake of biking. playing with the cousins and spending time with my family here. listening to someone, even when i'm urgent to get that next assignment out of the way.

so, i've been making some friends here. a couple at the church i'm hoping to attend consistently. some at Kuyper. and even finding friends in family. and it's good. i know i'm blessed. God is so faithful.

so, this is where i sit today. knowing that i'm where i should be, even if my heart and body sometimes long to be elsewhere. and thankful that i can see the blessings from where i sit today, knowing that i may need to be reminded tomorrow of God's hand in this.

...and she's back!

wow. it's been awhile.

after what turned out to be a summer sabbatical from posting on this blog, i have returned. yet, as i sit here sipping hot chocolate and listening to Sigur Ros in the sunroom of my aunt and uncle's home in East Grand Rapids, i wonder where to begin. and so many questions fill my mind. "will i even remember how to do this? will anyone ever read this again, after the likely severe disappointment of not being able to feast their eyes on my humble thoughts for so long?"

don't get me wrong, there was many a time over the last few months when i wanted nothing more than to process the ongoing going ons of this life of mine. a lot has taken place since i last posted. let me give you a bit of a synopsis: moved out of my home of 2 years into my pastors' home; flew away from Vancouver 5 weeks later, leaving many relationships and memories behind, but taking so much in the way of personal growth and life lessons; worked on the family farm for 1.5 months, juggling being a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding and hosting some amazing people visiting me in NS; packed up and moved to Michigan and am now looking forward to this next year of school, living with some pretty cool family of mine, and growing into what God has for me. yes.

so, this is where i am now. anticipating the future with a mixture of excitement/ fear of the unknown and expectation that God will be faithful throughout yet another season of this life. it's a good place to be -feeling somewhat out of control but able to turn to the One who holds it all in the palm of His hand. it's good.

i hope to write more as i journey this, but for now i'll just leave you with a picture, in case you forgot what i looked like...