end of November=December=Christmas and more...

wow...November 2008 ends in less than an hour.
where have the first 11 months of this year gone? only one more to go? this is lunacy! i am becoming more and more of an avid supporter of my stance that time speeds up as i grow older. the years go by faster as i age, i'm sure.
and as i head into December, my day planner has filled up faster than a plate is filled by a glutton at a buffet. i am thoroughly convinced that the world believes that the whole month of December equals Christmas. and maybe my schedule betrays the fact that i too am succumbing to this idea...
but, i'm not here today to write about how we have taken the "Christ" out of "Christmas" or whatever. maybe some other time. i'm actually not quite sure with what purpose i came to write today. maybe i just wanted to tame my mind by putting some of the thoughts that are bouncing around down...maybe i just wanted to be heard, as i sit alone in a house with 3 sleeping childfolk... maybe i wanted to document the fact that i do actually think and have thoughts as evidence for the times when it appears that i seldom do...
i wish i could really capture all that has happened/ is happening in my life. so many emotions and thoughts and joys and fears. new perspectives and now i'm just trying to figure out how to live and breathe through them. but how do i take the first step when i feel limited by myself and my circumstances? how do i live abundantly when i have boundaries in the areas i want to grow in? do i just try to grow around them?
what are the answers to my life?
bueller? bueller?
i think i may have some of the answers to these questions or at least know where i can find them. thanks for hearing me ramble on.
and don't think that this will be the end of it...

chocolate chip cookies and life.

right now, i'm making a couple of batches of chocolate chip cookies for breaks for our DTS. i am also trying to figure out my life. i know, i know, these are two activities that are so likely to be paired together...

what am i supposed to do with this life that has been so generously granted to me? i feel like i am in high school all over again, feeling the pressure of the impending decisions that i need to make. and desperately not wanting to mess it all up.
i want to hold this life, my life with open hands and be a good steward of it, but what does this actually look like? what does this mean for February and beyond? and what about a year from now? is school the right move? i'm having selfdoubts that i'll be able to jump right back in, after almost 4 years out of the academic life. and what do i want to learn? there is just so much to discover! and i want to do it all...
i think that i might be falling back into the dangerous area of being so afraid to make a move for fear that it is the "wrong" direction, that i don't even trust God to lead and guide me...
oh God, help me to trust You where you are taking me, right here, right now.

cookies call. this little post has been cathartic. thanks.
and please pray for me...

the sock monkey story...

so, as much as it seems that this story has been told and retold to its death, i realize that it really hasn't traveled much further than the city limits of Vancouver. thus, "the sock monkey story" is about to be told yet again...

(plus, it's high time that i share a humorous -i hope- tidbit of my life instead of always pensively yammering on about the perplexities of life. high time.)

on Saturday evening, i was out for a walk to get some coffee with a close friend, when a man sitting outside one of the coffee shops politely asked the time as we passed by. i gave him a prompt answer and we carried on. not 3 seconds later, as we reached a bus stop, another man posed a question. confident after assisting the coffee man, i was ready to save the day with yet another quick answer. but this man asked a question that i wasn't sure i wanted to answer. in his drunken state, he lifted up his keychained sock monkey and asked,

"can you show me how to spank the monkey?"

a little taken aback by his candor, i did what all good friends would do in the same situation. after a pause and a little giggle, i referred the bus stop man to my friend for his answer.

this is kinda what the little guy looked like.
i mean, the keychained sock monkey, not the bus stop man or coffee man or my friend, when she was mad at me.

i want to write but i don't know what...

life. it's crazy (i always say this, don't i? i need to find more words...) and beautiful at the same time.

this week in DTS land, we're learning about justice and what it looks like in the world today. it's so scary, yet exciting. i mean, it's great to hear stories of how others are reconciling the world to truth, but where do i fit in? i know that God calls me to be a bringer of justice, but how can i if i'm struggling with even having a heart for it, for others?
our speaker said something interesting today:
we love out of our own needs. we love because we need love.
this is so true. i don't know if i would care so much about people if i knew they couldn't or wouldn't love me back...
i'm not really sure how to proceed from this thought, so i'm going to leave it here for now...

dear Vancouver,

i am writing you to inform you that i am a bit perturbed with you.
over the last few weeks, you have been throwing me off-guard with your moody weather habits.
one minute, it's sharp and cold, yet sunny. and then, before you (or i) know it, the heavens part to release more precipitation than is in most oceans.
really, it's a bit much. and i'm not ready for it. no raincoat (that i like). no umbrella (it got lost this past spring). only some Zellers boots that are less than comfortable. yet, they are highly functionable, and for this, i am thankful.
case in point: one very rainy morning this week (i believe that it was Tuesday), i donned my rain apparel: some handmedown "outdoor" (NOT waterproof) pants, a spring jacket and my bag under a clear plastic poncho, my helmet, and my afore-mentioned rainboots. as i pulled out of my back alley and onto the bike path on my bike headed to work and ready (or so i thought) to face the weather, a fellow biker pulled up beside me, commenting on my amazing rain gear. i muttered something about making do with what i had and wished him a nice day, purposely slowing down, so that he would pass me and go about biking in his snazzy matching waterproof spandex pants, uber waterproof jacket, and shoes that attach to his bike pedals. thankfully, he took my hint.
Vancouver, not only are you soaking me, you are allowing me to be embarrassed. meany!
this is my main complaint for now.
thank you for your time,
Rebecca

oh life...

oh life...
it feels like my life is just whizzing past me at the speed of light right now. i'm trying to grasp onto something, anything that is stable so that i can find my place again, but it feels nearly impossible.
i just came back home from 2 weeks away (i was staying at my pastors' house with 2 of our DTS students while T and J were away on a missions trip), including a week in Kelowna for the YWAM GO Conference. and so much has happened. it feels like the whole world is a new place. or maybe i'm just viewing it through different eyes. and yet, i don't feel like i've really grasped these changes at all.
oh, i could write a book right now, just trying to document/figure out what i have learned/am learning! but i can't. no time. i'm on a schedule. things to do. people to see. cards to write. gifts to send. party at my house tonight. sigh...when will the madness stop? i.need.to.breathe...

one morning this week, i felt like God wanted me to awake early and see the sunrise. it was one of the most incredible things ever. thanks, God. You are good.


i live for moments like these. a time where i can reflect on the "now" and how blessed i am to be alive and here.
sigh...