a crazy little thing called "life"

a friend just asked me how my life is. i replied, "Good. I'm enjoying it."
and i meant it.
i enjoy seeing new people at work. especially Asian ones (warm smile on my face as i remember way back, when i was in China...), a rare commodity in NS. work is fulfilling, and the time passes quickly. it is good to be home, too. it is relaxing, and i enjoy spending time with my family, time that i value now and i may not get to appreciate later. it is also so great to be a serving member in the church that has nurtered, encouraged, and supported me since the day i was born. i feel so content.
ok, so about a month ago, i didn't think that i'd be truthfully saying this at this point in my life. August 7 was the sad day that i decided not to go back to Vancouver right away to staff YWAM as was previously planned, the day that i admitted to myself that i knew that i needed to be home for a period of time, a place that i so desperately wanted to get away from for no other reason than i wanted to be adventurous and daring and didn't want my "wings to be clipped" by staying home. i had just gotten back from Winnipeg, Vancouver, and China, and i wanted to continue going wherever the wind would take me! literally. and, for some strange reason, i have always had this perception that certain young people who stick around Shubie and who don't go to school but decide to just "settle" for a seemingly boring job are going "nowhere" in life. oh how my perspective changed when i became one of these people! but, i also realized how judgmental and close-minded this view is. just because i didn't feel it to be right for my life at most points, it doesn't mean that it's not more than a great idea for others! how humbling...
yeah, and it's funny/ironic that i am feeling so content thus far in a place that i never dreamed i would be. i guess this goes to show that God really does know what He's talking about. like i had any doubts...but i did.
and now, trying to look forward to the future, what's next? i know i need to be here right now, not living in the future. a close friend once told me of her wise father's motto:"wherever you are, there you'll be." so deeply true. but i also don't want to put off thinking about what's next. where is God leading me? is it back to Vancouver? why do i want to go back? is it because of a genuine feeling of being called to the people and ministry there? is it just because i love Vancouver and the people at the base? is this enough? so many questions and too few answers...all that i know is that if i go back, it's going to be because i know that's where God wants me. and i won't go if it's not in His plan. no matter how much i may think i want to.
so, where does this leave me? i need to be faithful in prayer and seeking God out. i need to be listening to His leading, no matter how much my sinful nature denies it's presence. i need help. i can't do it alone...thankfully, my God is so faithful! more faithful than i will or ever can dream to be. i wrote once that i couldn't lose Him even if i wanted to. so true...