ummm...

yeah, so this should be an interesting blog, since i'm not even sure what i'm going to exactly say yet...
so, let's start off with, 'yay, i really am not "addicted" to blogging, since i haven't written in a couple of days!' but then again, maybe i am, because i'm always thinking of what i'm going to write next. and how it's going to sound when i write it humorously/profoundly/and other -lys. but not today. nope, this is going to be as random as somethingthatiscompletelyrandom...yep, there should be a little bit of something for everyone in today's trail mix of a blog. (hopefully it's one of those delicious mixes with m&m's and peanuts and cashews, and not one of those less-favored ones with raisins and other dried up shriveled things...)
so, i love being independent. this is one thing i miss while living at home. don't get me wrong, i love eating mom's delectable meals and not having to worry about little things, such as i don't really even remember. but she's gone this weekend, and there's just something about domestically putting a load of laundry in and doing the dishes. it's fulfilling. i like seeing disorder and then fixing it and seeing the finished, ordered product. yeah...
but i hate when i don't know how to make a disordered something orderly. for instance, my life. i don't know 100% what i'm doing/should be doing in January. and maybe that's not such a bad thing? i don't want to get into a lot of detail right now (please feel free to ask me about it all sometime if you're curious, though...), but i would just like to extend an invitation to all of you who read this to pray for me over the next while. i just really need/want direction. and i need your help. thanks, guys.
ps: God is SO amazing! i can't even begin to describe how awesome He is. for instance, i have been feeling really down on myself lately for just being so sinful. i had this idea in my head that since i have been a Christian for so long, that i shouldn't be struggling so much (as you can probably tell, pride is one of these sins...), but i am now more than ever. i just can't seem to get out of the rut i'm in. i know that i am wrong in a lot of my actions and thoughts, but the desire to change doesn't make its way from my head to my heart, as cliche as that sounds. but He reminded me just this morning that His grace is sufficient for me, and it covers me always, not just in the first 5 years of being His child or whatever. i am His and He is mine! and He is continually working in me...how encouraging. He is SO faithful.
and i'll leave it at that for now...