life.

wow. life. crazy. yet somewhat mellow. sometimes i'm not so sure which one i like better.
in the moment, "crazy" is so overwhelming. i can't breathe and don't know what to think or even feel. or maybe i'm just feeling it all at once. whereas, "mellow" can be so blaize, so "blah/meh." i SO want to feel something, and hate that i'm like a rock, unfeeling, uncaring, seemingly just converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.
so, that's where i am right now, balancing between the two. still deciding which one i like better, yet still craving more, but not making the effort to change it. or allowing it to be changed. wow.

and i wasn't even going to post anything today. i was just putting it all down...