today is a day off from the craziness that is my life. well, actually not really. i still have a list of things that need to be done, but i'm just doing them from home today. i don't mind, though. it's fun staying in your pjs till 12ish.
since my last post, i have been thinking and talking a lot about how i should spend my time wisely. i have realized that i often allow myself to feel guilty regarding time. i feel obligated to stretch and divide it in various directions, when i really should guard it and focus on investing it into the things that i am truly passionate about, the things on God's heart that He has placed on mine to care about. and caring about myself is one of them. and as i type these words, i believe them...kind of. now i just need to live them.
so, this begs the question. do i go to Chiliwagon tonight? i feel like i have to, since others won't be there. will the night go on without me? yes, yes it will, but i can't get over the fact that i will feel guilty when i don't go, when -heaven forbid- i take time for myself. but how much time off is too much time off? when does self-care turn into selfishness? i guess the same question could be posed, "how much work is too much work?" no one can really tell you. you just know. i guess my problem is that i just don't know. i don't believe that guilt is from God. conviction yes, guilt no. yet, i allow myself to be controlled by it. when will it stop? i just wish that the line was a little bit less of a blur to me.
ok, this is turning out to be more of an internal pondering turned external than i hoped. but does anyone have any solid advice/ stories of life lessons to assist me in this struggle? i just want to do the right thing...(and isn't that another topic that could be discussed for hours?)
and maybe it's not even about work or lack of it or whatever, as my lovely roommate just pointed out.
either way, i think (no, i know) that i need to go to God for some clarity in this pressing fog. He knows all of the answers to these seemingly endless questions...why does this truth so easily slip my mind?
yes, there is hope. even for me. [that was my attempt to lighten the mood, in case you missed it]
1 comment:
keep em coming!
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