joy.

my middle name is joy.

1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally
good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

a characteristic that, as of late, i have been longing for, wishing that i personified.

for a time, Nehemiah 8:10 was my motto in life:

...the joy of the LORD is your strength.

i loved that verse and it gave me much strength to know that this experience, more than just a fleeting feeling, comes from Him. but then i guess i forgot...

forgot what it meant to be joyful, to live a joy-filled life. i remember reaching a certain point in my life, and sincerely believing that i would have to stop being "weird" in order for people to like me. i would have to put aside my humor, which was often seen as different and maybe a bit immature, in order to be accepted. i let a little bit of joy be stolen from me. and i mourned this. yes, maturing is a part of growing up, but i felt that i would have to forsake who i was just to fit in. sad.

coming back from living in Vancouver for almost a year, i have realized that i have taken on the responsibilities of adulthood and life, while often sacraficing my laugh and delight in the little things. i was talking on the phone with my mom a few weeks before i arrived back in NS-probably sharing some amazing and profound lesson learned from difficulty- and somewhat out of the blue, she said that she missed my laugh. this caught me off guard. i realized that i have been just going and going and haven't taken the time to do things that i love, things that fill me with joy. journaling, praying, reading. again, i so longed for the joy after which i have been named.

all these words and ramblings just to say that i have really enjoyed this last week, being home in NS with family and friends, minus alot of the stresses of the city life. it seems that i am on the way to finding my joy in God again. what an exciting time!